Guest Post by Randy Wheeler, Wheeler Coaching

Today, I’m pleased to share a guest post from Randy Wheeler of Wheeler Coaching.

One of the things I talk about often on this blog is building self-worth in children, because the way children see themselves shapes the way they move through the world. During the tween years especially, they are beginning to decide what they believe about themselves, often while navigating the opinions, expectations, and words of everyone around them.

Randy approaches that conversation through the lens of leadership and worth. His message is a simple one with a powerful foundation: our children already have influence, and learning to recognize their own worth can help them decide how they want to use it.

TL;DR

Leadership is not defined by a title. It is expressed through the influence we have on the people around us every day. Recognizing our own worth, understanding our unique strengths, and becoming aware of the thoughts we believe about ourselves can shape how we lead ourselves and others. For parents, this also means remembering that our words can become part of the way our children learn to see themselves.

Have you ever heard of the Sistine Chapel? What about Michelangelo? ¹

Did you know he accomplished something in four years that is an example of you?

No, you are not a painting, but over the course of four years, he carefully painted a beautiful masterpiece on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. This elaborate painting in a building of faith is an example of a masterpiece.

Masterpiece.

Read that word again.

That is what you are! YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE!

There is no one on this planet exactly like you with the same interests, desires, skills, talents, and even appearance as you. Even if you are a twin.

I was speaking to a group of students, and in the room there were twins. We were talking about a topic similar to this, so I asked each of them what they liked to do, what they dreamed of doing, and some of their hobbies. They had some similarities, but they were each unique. Just like you!

During the rest of this post, I want to help you capture two things:

1. You are a leader
2. You are a person of great worth

You Are a Leader

Each and every day you are around people. You interact with other students. If you are a parent reading this, you are continually interacting with your peers. Maybe you don’t see yourself as a leader. The truth is: you are!

Every interaction with peers is an opportunity to be a source of influence.

We continually influence either in a positive or negative direction. Let me illustrate.

As a student at school, someone is being bullied; what do you do? Your response is leading in a direction. If you step in and stop it, you are leading in a positive direction. If you get a teacher… positive influence. If you walk away and ignore the person or, even worse, join in the negative influence.

Parents Are Leaders, Too

As parents, we can be a positive influence in our children’s lives by calling out the good we see in them… positive influence. If we are not careful and all they hear are negative remarks, we unintentionally become a negative influence.

An aside for parents: our words matter. Our words impact how our sons and daughters see themselves. I admit I have not always done this well, and I’m sure my sons will have some issues because of my words. So we all need to be aware of our words and be humble enough to ask for forgiveness when we mess up.

Leading Is Hard

I mentioned Michelangelo’s masterpiece at the beginning. He had a vision of what he was trying to accomplish, and it was not easy. He even wrote a poem expressing the pain of the experience. He struggled physically and mentally during this time.¹

You may be trying to lead as a positive influence at home or at school and feel like you are getting nowhere. Don’t give up. Hold onto the picture of what you are trying to accomplish.

Are you a student trying to make good choices when everyone around you is not? Hold that vision in your mind and surround yourself with people who are like-minded.

Are you a parent struggling with teenage children? I’ve been through this twice and am on round three. It can be a battle that feels uphill. Hold your vision of the values you are attempting to instill. Surround yourself with other parents who will listen and encourage you and not push you down into a loop of continued frustration or complaining.

Whether student or parent. Hold the vision and get a community that will help you become the person you are trying to become to accomplish what you are pursuing.

You Are a Person of Great Worth

Hopefully, you can see that you are a leader because you have influence. This only takes you so far. For example, a bully is a leader. Why is he or she a bully? Hurting people hurt people.

So stay on this journey with me as we dive into some truths of why you are a person of great worth. You see, how we see ourselves impacts how we see and lead others. Let’s go.

You Have a Unique Style

At times I will provide assessments to students and adults to help them understand their unique style. I can’t cover this in full here because I provide workshops and individual assessments with debriefs on this. What I can say is that everyone has a unique way they see the world. This uniqueness can be understood by both you and those around you.

When I provide these workshops, I find people begin to see their unique abilities and how they can use them to add value to others. For example, some people naturally take charge. Some are great at analyzing and organizing. Some are strong team builders and keep everyone working together. Some are natural inspirers.

Remember this: one style is not better than another. Your style is unique to you. Add to that your unique skills and passions, and you begin to find your superpower that informs who you are.

I love how Jamie Kern Lima highlights the power of our uniqueness in her book Worthy:

“. . . the lesson I’ve learned firsthand so many times is that those things that make you authentic and different are actually the things you should embrace and expand the most.” ²

She is saying your uniqueness is your superpower and what makes you special. Embrace it, magnify it, and use it to add value to others.

The Mind: The Start of Seeing Our Worth

We all talk to ourselves. Some of us build ourselves up so much we don’t see our faults. Many people may see their imperfections and continually beat themselves up. It all starts in our minds.

James Allen, in his classic book, As a Man Thinketh³, put it eloquently when he said:

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”

Our thoughts impact how we see ourselves. To help others combat this battle, a few years ago I wrote a book called I Am Worthy, which is a weekly reader with thoughts and reflection questions. I created this from working for decades with students and personally watching my sons go through the battle of self-worth during the junior high years.

Each day, I spend time filling my mind with truth about who and whose I am. I spend time writing down my thoughts and processing them in a journal. This helps me see what I am telling myself that is not true and replace it with the truth.

Separating Facts From the Stories We Tell Ourselves

As a student, what are you telling yourself? Is it true or just a fact? For example, I have a zit on the tip of my nose, so I am ugly!

Fact: you have a zit

Truth: you are a masterpiece with a temporary pimple

Lie: I am ugly because of my zit!

Truth: I am worthwhile because my value is not based on my looks

What I have given you, whether you are a student or a parent, is a simple process.

• Capture the thought
• Identify the facts and lies
• State the truth
• Hold onto the truth and reject the lies.

Notice it all takes action. It all requires that we lead ourselves well.

At first, this may be a challenge, so get people in your life who will help you identify the truth. People who understand we are all perfectly imperfect masterpieces, created to be loved just as we are. Maybe you gather a group of people together and use I Am Worthy as a tool to have authentic conversations about your worth.

As you see yourself as worthy, your cup will be more filled to overflow with positive influence on your peers. You are a masterpiece created to do great works and add value to others. Which of these areas do you need to grow in? If I can help you in any way, let me know. Lead Well.

© 2026 Wheeler Coaching

Note: Jamie Kern Lima’s book is appropriate for a more mature audience due to some of her personal sharing/life experiences.

Sources Cited by the Author

1. Artnet News, Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel poem, retrieved 8/8/26.
2. Lima, Jamie Kern. Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life. Hay House, CA, 2024, p. 67.
3. Allen, James. As a Man Thinketh. 1902. Kindle ed.

Other resources to help with leadership and mindset written by Randy can be found on his author page on Amazon or at leadwell.biz.

Key Takeaways

• Leadership happens through influence, whether or not we hold an official leadership position.
• The way we see ourselves can affect the way we treat and influence others.
• Parents’ words can become part of the internal dialogue their children develop about themselves.
• Every person brings a unique combination of strengths, interests, abilities, and ways of seeing the world.
• Learning to recognize the difference between a fact and the meaning we attach to it can help young people develop a stronger sense of self-worth.

A Blogger’s Reflection

One of the reasons this message matters so deeply during the tween and early teen years is that children are beginning to ask bigger questions about themselves. Who am I? Where do I fit? What do other people think of me? Am I good enough?

The voices surrounding them can become part of the answers they form.

As parents, teachers, mentors, and other caring adults, we have an extraordinary opportunity to help children recognize that their worth does not disappear when they make a mistake, struggle socially, receive criticism, or discover that they are different from the people around them.

That same journey lies at the heart of the Bella Santini Chronicles. Bella encounters challenges, uncertainty, friendship, fear, and choices as she gradually discovers that the magic she needs is already within her. Stories can give children a safe place to explore questions of identity and self-worth while seeing those struggles reflected through someone else’s journey.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is every child really a leader?

In the way Randy defines leadership in this guest post, yes. Leadership is influence. Children influence one another through their choices, words, responses, and behavior, even when they do not think of themselves as leaders.

How can parents help children develop a stronger sense of self-worth?

One place to begin is by becoming more conscious of the messages children repeatedly hear. Calling attention to their strengths, character, effort, kindness, courage, and growth can help children develop a broader understanding of themselves than one based solely on performance or appearance.

Why do a parent’s words matter so much?

Children are still developing their understanding of who they are. Repeated messages from the adults closest to them can influence the way they learn to describe and evaluate themselves. This makes our everyday language an important part of the emotional environment we create at home.

What can a child do when negative thoughts feel true?

Randy suggests separating what actually happened from the conclusion the child has drawn from it. A temporary pimple may be a fact. “I am ugly” is an interpretation attached to that fact. Learning to recognize that difference gives young people another way to examine the messages they tell themselves.

What does self-worth have to do with leadership?

How we see ourselves can influence how we interact with other people. When young people begin to recognize their own worth and uniqueness, they may be better able to use their influence in ways that add value to the people around them.

Recommended Reading

Continue exploring emotional resilience, identity, self-worth, and the emotional world of tweens with these Baby Love Growth articles:

Emotional Safety and the Tween Brain: A Parent’s Guide
Learn why emotional safety matters during this developmental stage and how the environment surrounding a child can affect the way they respond to challenges.

Middle School Emotional Development: What Students Face
Take a deeper look at the emotional and social changes children experience as they move through middle school.

What Drives Tween Behavior?
Look beneath the behavior to understand the emotions, needs, and developmental changes that may be influencing what parents see on the surface.