I learned that I have been self-sabotaging without realizing how I was causing my pain. So often, we look outside of ourselves because things aren’t working in the way we wish. This blog post will reveal three ways we unconsciously self-sabotage and what we can do about that!

Number One: Focus

We get that which we focus on. Most people know this, but the problem is that when we don’t like our circumstances, we focus on changing the circumstances. All too often, we look at what is wrong; and in that focal point, we perpetuate what is wrong. To illustrate this point, I will speak in terms of my life. I was financially unstable for the last year, using all of my income to promote my books. I felt broke because I didn’t leave myself enough money to afford the niceties of life. Every day, I focused on the problem; I needed to increase my cash flow. What I got from this focus is that my cash flow stayed the same every day, and I still needed to increase it.  And then I heard a talk about focus by Nick Santonastasso, and BOOM! I understood immediately how I had been self-sabotaging. By focusing on what was wrong, I was inviting more of that into my life. It is well is worth listening to his interview with Ed Mylett on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3Js6UyZK-8

That night I changed my focus from what wasn’t working to what was working, and my finances shifted overnight. So, if you are focusing on what you don’t have; or what isn’t working, take a breath and give yourself grace; then shift your focus to what is going right!

Number Two: Being a Victim

When we point our finger in blame at another person, we transfer all responsibility for the circumstances to that person. Thus, we have no way to affect our circumstances. It is when we can see our responsibility in the interaction that we are empowered to make changes. Once again, I will relate this to my life as an illustration. My father was a raging alcoholic, with an emphasis on his rage. I was a young child; I had no opportunity to be anything but a victim in these circumstances. Yet now, I am a grown-up woman, and I have the opportunity to see the circumstances from a different perspective. As painful as the abuse was that I received, I can now see that he gave me a gift. If I had not experienced his abuse, I would not have the insights into the human condition that I now have. Everything that happened in my life happened for me, not to me.

No matter what your circumstances, there is a way to shift your perspective about the situation. You can consider the fact that hurt people hurt people. You can consider what you may learn from the circumstances. Or, you can consider the situation from soul contracts, understanding that each soul chose to play a role in the circumstances.

Number three: Lacking in Self-love

Many times, we are our own worst critics. When we criticize ourselves, we are not acting in self-love. To truly value ourselves, we must give ourselves grace when we make a mistake, knowing that it is a learning opportunity. Self-love is so much more than simply eating right or exercising; it is valuing your thoughts, feelings, body, and looks. It is letting go of society’s expectations and letting yourself be uniquely you. Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love me.” If that is too big a stretch, can you look in the mirror and say, “I like me.”

Find one thing you like about yourself; stand in front of a mirror and speak it aloud. Smile, and let yourself feel the feelings that pop up when you say, “I like me.” This vibration of happiness is a feeling that you can promote by saying “I like me” every day, right before brushing your teeth.

For anyone needing a bit more help than the simple exercises included in this post, visit the mentoring page I love planting seeds of wellbeing!


Angela Legh

Angela Legh is the author of the Bella Santini Chronicles, a children's book series that plant seeds of emotional well-being. Each book of the series takes children on a journey of self-discovery.

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